Wednesday, October 15, 2008

i wonder ,

some times i wonder why im such an idiot about this topic.
i completely stopped talking to you for some time now.
i just gave up .
our relationship didnt work , and after that our friendship didnt seem to work either .
so i gave up.
stopped trying to make everything work.
because their was no hope.
i convinced myself , i am so over him !
i dont want anything to do with him .
im better off without him .
the stressed he caused in my life.
im done with the bad decisions that were influenced by him , and the role he had in my life.
so why today ,
when he came up to me and asked.
hey , and asked if im mad , and if were still friends
i said hey, no im not mad, and of course were still friends.
it seemed like it popped right out of my mouth without even thinking.
i dunno why this bugs me it does.
and their is more .
he is in a relationship with someone now ,
which bugged me at first but i think im finally coming to terms with it .
today at lunch he texted me and said " i made a mistake aryssa "
and i said and that was ?
and he said breaking up with you .
i dunnno .
it makes me wonder
if he is being all like that with me while he has a girlfriend,
how many times did he do that while i was like gone for almost a month with some other girl .
you know ?
i know some of you dont like him .
and i wanna make it clear to you all that this post is not me sitting here confessing im head over heels for him or anything .
just the fact that still to this day my mind wanders when it comes to any topic involving him.
i cant take back anything that happened,
it happened,
but if i could just erase it all .
completely i would.
because maybe something good could have come from me + him ., you know ?
and i will tell anyone . anyone ,
peer pressure , or whatever its called when its from your boyfriend ..
dont fall for it .
stay true to your morals ,
stay true to who you are ..
never let anyone tell you that you are less of a person than you are .
expect them to respect you , and if they dont . its not worth it ..
you cannot change who they are ,
as much as you might want to you cant.
and last but not least never short change yourself , thats the best advice my auntie ever gave me ,
sorry for kinda just saying anything about this topic i needed to get it off my head

1 comment:

Journeying Five said...

i love you and wish i could give you a hug.. you said you wonder if anything good can come from this...and i see it already, you are so mature, confident and sure of what God wants for you don't lose that and don't lose are beautiful just (no, especially) like God made you! and all of us has something we want to erase but can't, our choice is too learn from it and it sounds like you are doing that!
love, me